


never on your own

by wrksout



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, this is kinda sad but also fluffy and it has a happy happy ending i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-05
Updated: 2013-12-05
Packaged: 2018-01-03 12:49:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1070645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrksout/pseuds/wrksout
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall doesn't know what kind of phonecall he's expecting when his phone starts ringing loudly on his beside table at 2:46 in the morning. </p><p>He's expecting everything but not this.</p><p> </p><p>Or, Niall is seven months pregnant and he gets a call from back home that puts in risk the whole pregnancy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	never on your own

**Author's Note:**

> i honestly dont know why i wrote this, it was just an idea that hit me while i was babysitting my cousins and i started imagining everything in my head and i was like woooooooooow i have to write this!!!!!!!!
> 
> so i did, and this was the result :-)
> 
> hope you enjoy and/or like it<3

_Niall isn't sure what he's dreaming._

_He notices the sky is blue, cloudless, there are birds chirping and a big rainbow shining at the top of a green, beautiful mountain. He can hear laughter and music somewhere in the distance but he finds himself following the sound of a familiar melody that seems to be coming from a guitar, he follows his senses and he realises the sound gets louder the more he walks away from the rainbow he saw not long ago. He's in some kind of jungle, and it's dark and scary but Niall focuses on the guitar playing, which sounds closer and closer the more he gets into the trees._

_He finds it weird but oddly comforting when he sees is his father, with his old guitar, playing softly while sitting at the edge of a big and what seems to be deep river. It's weird, because he's sure the celebration and the beers and the family are all outside this strange jungle he found himself in. Because his dad is not one of those who like to be alone sometimes, he's rather the opposite. But it's comforting, because now that he's close he can recognize that the song he's playing, is the same one he played when Niall was born and he cried and cried giving his parents sleeepless nights. The same one he played to Greg when he lose a footie game and he came home crying. The very same one Niall used to hear before falling asleep in the middle of his dad's new bed after the divorce._

_He feels peace spreading all over his body, but there's something wrong in this whole picture._

_"What're ya doin' dad?" he asks, trying to keep his voice soft and gentle, trying to not break the bubble his dad seems to be in._

_"Oh, Nialler! Didn't hear you comin'" he smiled._

_"I was just walking around when I heard your guitar, what's up?"_

_"And you recognized the song? That's my son" the laughter was bubbly and contagious and Niall found himself smiling too, "I really didn't want to say goodbye, that's why I came here" he says, and Niall is even more confused now._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"I'm leaving, Ni, take care of yourself and of that little girl that's growing inside there, yeah? tell her all the stories you remember from your old man"_

_Niall doesn't like the feeling of fear that is suddenly traveling up and down his spine, "what are you talking about? you're scaring me, dad, don't play games, you'll be there to tell Amalie all your stories" he says desperately as he rubs unconsciously his baby bump._

_"I love you Nialler, tell the family I loved them lots, tell them to make me proud" he smiles sadly as he stands up and starts walking away._

_Niall is about to follow, when he feels his phone vibrating in the pocket of his pants. "Da, wait, where the hell are you going?!"_

_But his dad is too far away. And Niall feels everything is blurring around him, like every tree is about to fall down on him and the sun that was once shining at the beggining of this was nowhere to be found._

_He screams._

_And everything goes black._

+

Niall wakes up panting and clutching all the sheets around him, trying hard to breathe in and out and to orientate himself because he doesn't know what's going on.

He looks around the room; it just looks the same as it looked when he went to sleep just a few hours ago, Harry is soundlessly sleeping next to him, with one hand on his bump and the other on the top of his head. Niall smiles.

He decides he's not comfortable enough so he rolls to his side, careful to not move too much because lately the baby was kicking too much during the nights, making him stay awake the whole night and making him cranky in the mornings. Sometimes she sleeps the whole night, some other nights are spend on the sofa, with the TV on and a plate of his newest craving in front of his belly.

Today is a peaceful night, so he wonders what the hell could have waken him up.

He recalls the dream, which was absolutely weird and even scary, he doesn't want to think about it, it makes him feel funny.

He tries to find a comfortable position and when he's finally content with it, his phone starts ringing.

He curses but makes no effort to pick it up. Whoever is calling at this damn hour in the morning can fuck off because he's comfy and warm and he's not willing to let that go just yet.

But then it rings again, and another three times and Niall has had enough.

He doesn't know what kind of phonecall he's expecting because is 2:46 in the morning and he swears if it's a prank call or Lou drunk calling him or even a fan, he'll gladly tell them to fuck off.

It's Sean.

"Mate, do you have a clue of what time is it?" is the first thing Niall says when he finally finds the strenght to sit, it's hard when a seven months bump is in the middle of everything.

"I'm so sorry, Nialler," Sean's voice sounds weird - Niall thinks - but he also has the feeling he's not apologizing for waking him up in the middle of the night but about a completely different thing. He doesn't like how his body starts to feel cold, almost anticipating there's bad news.

"What's going on Sean? Talk to me, are you drunk, is everyone okay?" Niall stands up because he doesn't like one bit where this is going and even if Harry is a deep sleeper, he doesn't want to wake him up. They have things to do tomorrow, there's a room to paint and clothes to buy because just a week ago they were told they were expecting a baby girl, that she was healthy and everything was going fine with Niall's pregnancy.

He feels like what Sean is about to say will ruin all the happiness and excitement that filled his body when he went to sleep.

"Your dad, Ni, he- he's at the hospital" he sounds like he's choking with tears, "they said is his heart but nobody knows if he'll make it"

Niall is absolutely sure the short breaths he's letting out are not healthy, but he can't breathe.

He feels claustrophobic, like suddenly his lungs forgot how to make him inhale and exhale. _he can't breathe_

"Niall? Answer me, are you still there?" Sean's voice yells through the phone but Niall lets it fall to the ground and tries to stand up from the couch quickly without falling because he feels like he's going to be sick.

He pukes and pukes till he's not only choking on his own spit but also with tears and sobs. He feels like his whole chest is on fire, he still can't breathe properly and why the fuck didn't he wake Harry before?

There's something in his brain telling him to try and breathe. To sit down and stay calm because this is dangerous for the baby. The little miracle they decided to call Amalie depends on him. She breathes if he breathes. He needs to breathe.

He tells himself there's no need to take this too far. Sean just said he's at the hospital. His dad, the same man he hasn't seen since his last visit to Ireland when he was five months and 3 weeks pregnant. before the doctors told him that they wanted him and the baby to be safe. To avoid stress and have as much rest as he could. There was nothing wrong, but they wanted to keep it that way, pregnancy comes with enough risks, Niall's wasn't an exception. They told him to sleep, eat, rest, relax and also told him he couldn't flight. No planes, that's too much.

So his family had decided to visit him, told him not to worry, that they would be in touch. But then Theo had gotten a cold, nothing serious, but they wanted to keep it that way. Flying from Ireland to London could make that small cold way much worst. Niall said it was okay, that they could always come later, there's time.

And they've decided they'd come to help with the nursery and the room and they would bring baby clothes that his mom had knitted herself. Amalie is the first baby girl of the family, everyone is excited. But now his dad is at the hospital and no one knows how bad it is, Niall doesn't have a clue of what really happened. So he cries, because his family were all suppossed to be here, with him, in less than a week, and he cries because even if his dad makes it through, he won't be able to come and Niall won't be able to visit him, and it hurts, he hurts so much he keeps crying till he feels a pair of warm arms circling around him, and he opens his eyes to see a pair of wide green eyes staring back at him with so much worry and concern, they're drowning in it. He sees a pair of perfect, pouty pink lips moving in front of him, they look frantic, but he can't listen. He just cries and cries and sobs for everything. Because everything hurts.

He doesn't know when he falls asleep, but he's thankful for it.

+

Harry doesn't know what to do with himself.

It's been two hours since he found Niall sobbing in the bathroom and less than one since he managed to put him safely in the bed.

He was so scared because Niall was there, crying and sobbing and he looked so broken and lost, like his body was there but his mind wasn't, Harry was absolutely terrified. He tried asking, he tried hugging Niall but he wasn't listening and he felt so lost then, because he didn't know if Niall was in pain, if it was the baby, if he had had a nightmare, if he had fallen down the stairs, if he was in labor. (could that be? but Niall is just seven months along, _please let the baby be okay_ )

He had no answers, but his mind was drowning with questions.

After Niall had fallen asleep in his arms, it had took him a while to decide what to do.

He wanted to take Niall upstairs, lie him down in the bed and wrap him in blankets because Niall was shaking and his hands were ice cold. But he was also scared he would wake him up and the tears would start again, Harry was sure he couldn't handle it again. So he waited, waited till Niall started with those little snores that indicated he was far gone into the dreamland, that asured him he could move him without risking his sleep. he picked him up from the floor, thankful that even with his big stomach, he could handle the weigh. Niall was like a feather, always easy to pick up.

And a good fifteen or so minutes after he had Niall tucked up in pillows and blankets, he heard Niall's phone ringing, somewhere in the house. He ran to the bathroom before the sound could wake his boyfriend up.

Before answering he noticed 16 missed calls, all from the same number; Sean.

Could Niall have gotten in a fight with Sean? Harry wondered, before realising the only way to know was picking up the phone.

It was heartbreaking.

Sean told him everything. The conversation started with Sean yelling if Niall was okay, that he had been talking to him when the line went dead, and after Harry said several times that yeah, he was shaken up and that he had found him crying in the bathroom, he was safe and sleeping. Then Sean told him all the details about Bobby, Niall's father, he'd been victim of a fulminant heart attack. He had gotten alive to the hospital, which was when he had called Niall, and had passed away just ten minutes after. Sean told him to tell Niall, and to take care of him. Of course Harry would. He cried silently in the kitchen after he ended the call with Sean.

How was he suppossed to tell that to Niall? He could wake up any moment, he could wake up in five hours, who knew? but one way or another Harry needed to be ready, to find the right way to bring the news to Niall.

Is there even a right way?

-

He had called the boys five minutes after. They promised to be there as soon as they could.

+

Niall wakes up about three hours after falling asleep/passing out in the bathroom, and he feels exhausted. Sure he had slept a lot but he feels so weak for a reason he really doesn't want to think about.

 _his dad is fine, he has to be fine, he's gonna be fine_ he repeats as a mantra while he waits for Harry to notice he's awake.

"Ni? hey babe, how are feeling?" Harry says when he enters the bedroom and sees Niall trying to sit up. He looks pale.

"My dad, Haz, he's sick, he's at the hospital" is what Niall says, choosing to ignore Harry's concern, he's fine, his back hurts but that's not new.

"I know, Ni, Sean called", at that Niall's eyes go wide.

"What did he said? How long ago did he call? fuck, for how long was I sleep?" Niall says in a rush, trying to stand up without a reason, the bed is too hot, he needs to breathe.

"Niall, please breathe" Harry says kneeling in front of Niall, as he remembers what Zayn told him when they arrived and he explained everything, _"be gentle and slow, don't rush it okay? and you have to stay calm too, he will be freaking out, this is Niall plus pregnancy hormones, he will be a mess and you will be the rock that will hold him and tell him that everything will be okay, you need to keep him calm, Haz, it's not only Niall the one who will be affected, Amalie will also feel Niall's distress, remind him to stay calm, for her"_ easy said than done, is what Harry thinks right now.

They are downstairs, Louis, Liam and Zayn, they're making tea and breakfast and they said Harry had to call them if things got out of control. He had a feeling they will.

"Harry just fucking say something" Niall says and Harry can see the tears filling up his eyes, he knows, Niall knows, he's just waiting for Harry to confirm it. It's the scariest thing Harry has ever done.

"He's gone, Ni, he passed just a few minutes after you talked with Sean, I'm so sorry"

Harry wasn't sure how he expected Niall to react. Maybe he would scream, yell at Harry that he's a liar, that his dad must be fine. He could also just break down and cry for hours and have a repeat of what happened at the bathroom a while ago. Or he could shut down, refuse to talk, refuse to eat, refuse to accept it. Harry was scared of all the possibilities.

But now, Niall is smiling sadly at the floor. And Harry is confused, in all the scenarios he made up in his head, Niall did not have a smile on his face.

Then he talked, and his voice was hoarse and it broke after a few words, "I had a dream last night, you know? That was what woke me up," Harry nods, telling him to go on, maybe talking will be good for Niall, "he was saying goodbye and he was like, fading away, he said goodbye, said he loved me and that he loved all of us and then he said I should take care of myself and of Amalie, told me to tell her all his stories"

And he started crying then, and Harry was surprised because Niall's reaction was like a mix of each thing Harry had imagined, he was crying, choking with his own breath but he was also angry, though he was not yelling at Harry, he was raging with anger because _Amalie shouldn't just hear about her grandpa, he should've known her and he should be here with us putting up the nursery and tell me to stop eating potatoes because my belly is so big, he shouldn't be gone, Harry, why did this happen?_

And Harry held him till he ran out of tears and his chest hurt from not breathing properly for so long. Liam was there now, asking if they wanted some tea, saying that Niall needed to eat breakfast.

Niall just shook his head and buried himself deeper in the mess of blankets and pillows on the bed.

They are all worried, because Niall hasn't eaten anything since dinner last night and they would let him, if these were normal circumstances, if he didn't have a beautiful baby growning inside of him, they would let him mourn however he wants to, but they can't allow that, not when Amalie needs Niall to eat so she can eat too. She depends on him, if he lives, she lives. If Niall doesn't stop crying he could send himself in a early labor that could be potentially dangeous because Niall is just seven months pregnant, with a beautiful bump that makes him glow and smile every single day when Amalie kicks and moves around. Even if she keeps him awake at night, Harry knows Niall has never been happier.

That's why is so painful.

To see Niall drown himself in huge waves of depression that are swallowing him whole, with a baby inside. 

Niall doesn't eat properly for days, and days morph into weeks and Niall is suddenly eight months pregnant and he has never looked so thin, Harry is scared he will vanish right in front of him if he doesn't hold onto him tight.

Harry has demanded him, with screams, with tears, with whispers, to eat. To get up and walk not to just go to pee, he needs to get his life back because there's another life that depends on his and Niall is forgetting that. Harry is sure he doesn't mean to, he knows how much Amalie means to Niall, how important this is for him, how careful he is about everything because he wants the best for her, always.

It's like there's a big, heavy chain that it's dragging him down instead of letting him move on, there's a dense fog around Niall's eyes that doesn't let him see how much Amalie needs him. He's damaging her, he's hurting her and Harry thinks that's another reason that makes depression stick to Niall.

Harry drags him to the doctor because he has his monthly control check up and the Doctor nearly faints when she sees the state Niall is in. Harry knows it's heartbreaking, because everyone could see how brighter Niall was since the beggining of the pregnancy, how his own light, the one he always had, grew and grew and he could iluminate a whole country by himself.

Now there's just a shell of who he used to be.

She yells at Niall when he remains unresponsive. And Niall cries, he cries so hard he passes out. He's dehydrated and malnourished and he has to stay in the hospital till he regains the healthy weigh he should have.

He has to stay there for three weeks, he's getting near the nine month mark and Harry liked to imagine where and how would they be if nothing had happened to Niall's dad. It made his heart ache but at the same time it made him focus more on Niall and not in the what ifs that clouded his mind.

In the three weeks Niall had to stay, he had some therapy, with Harry too, because Niall didn't want to be alone. And Harry had been there to listen to every word Niall said, about how much it hurt to know he never got to say goodbye to him, how he can't flight to Mullingar to visit his grave, hug his mum and brother and be in there for the last time. Harry realised that was the main problem, the fact that Niall wanted closure, but never had it, that was what kept him awake at nights and what took away all his appetite and wills to live.

But slowly, Niall got better. He ate more and he rubbed his bump all the time to feel Amalie's soft kicks. He couldn't help but feel like she was stronger that he could ever be. 

At the end, she had been his savior.

Niall refound the strong bond he had with his daughter, even if he still couldn't see her, he found himself getting stronger when he looked forward and saw himself and Harry holding a beautiful baby girl.

He got stronger and also did his relationship with Harry, who was there everytime Niall wanted to cry or simple talk about a random memory about his dad that just crossed his mind.

Niall got released of the hospital and his cheeks still looked a bit pale and small but he was glowing again - like an angel - Harry likes to say,

And they got home and Liam and Louis and Zayn were all waiting there, with a huge "welcome home Nialler and Amalie" sign in the middle of the living room, which is funny, Niall thought he would see something like this when he came home after giving birth to Amalie, not after getting out of the hospital because he couldn't take care of himself. His family was also there. His mom looking beautiful and Theo getting bigger and Greg and Denise looking like a proper family. And Niall thought, if they're fine even if he's gone, then so can I, Amalie needs me.

So now he was in the room that was designed for his baby girl. All painted and decorated with all the furniture and baby stuff already in its place. He looks around and he looks down at his bump, now bigger than ever, and he looks beside him, where Harry is standing close to him, with a smile on his face and a hand on his waist looking proud and happy, and Niall could feel it too, that warm that ran up and down their boddies making them feel like the've won a battle, a big one.

They did won.

And maybe they were finishing organizing her room a bit later than they had hoped but late is better than never and what matters is that Niall is here, looking bright and healthy and happy, with both of his hands on top of his tummy, where Amalie is kicking gently, as if saying _yes, I'm still here, I'm happy too_ , ready to get his life back on track after such a tragic and painful experience like losing a father is. And only they know it wasn't easy and they ahd many scares and they wanted to give up but now nothing of that was relevant, not when everything felt so right.

They did it, they are now at last stage of the pregnancy. Now the only thing they have to do is wait. Until Amalie feels is right to get out of there and stop giving his daddy back pains and swollen feet and strange cravings at oddly hours of the morning. And Niall still felt like he had missed a whole month of this whole miracle named pregnancy, because he did, but he couldn't focus on that.

If he looked back on everything that had happened, he realised that he already had his closure. He had it first than any one else. It was the dream. His father said goodbye in the dream because they both knew they wouldn't be able to see each other for a last time. 

His family was downstairs waiting for him because apparently they have planned a surprise baby shower. And he couldn't focus on the bad stuff that he had done for the last month, not when his mom looked so proud and when Theo giggled excited when he put his tiny hands on Niall's belly and felt her cousin hitting his palms. Not when his best friends, his band mates - brothers - were always there to protect him, and when Harry had always a smile on his face when he looked at Niall.

He did it, with help from all this people, and it felt damn right.

+

Amalie was born on april 25th, at 5:18 on a sunny evening in London. 

The birth was painfully long but it was so worth it, Niall thought.

She has bright blue eyes and her mouth is always forming a perfect pout. Her hair is light brown and it still doesn't look curly but it's hard to say if it will be straight as Niall's. They'll have to wait.

She's beautiful and healthy, with all her fingers and toes and every organ functioning perfectly fine.

They're blessed and happier than they've ever felt before, now they are sure, everything is going to be all right.

**Author's Note:**

> im thinking about adding this to a kind of series or something, you know, with mt other story "miracles" because both are mpreg, like maybe a series of different oneshots with pregnant!niall and probably different pairings? i dont know, you can always comment and apart from telling me what you thought about the story also tell me if i should keep writing mpreg or i better just leave it
> 
> thanks!!!


End file.
